To all the single women -
"You don't like to get hit on in public, you don't want to date online and you don't want to be set up on blind dates. Tell us if sending messenger pigeons is an appropriate way of courting you. Because if it is, we're all over that shit. Thanks"
- all single men-
7.24.2008
case of the crazies
Anyone ever watched the hilarious quirky comedy Scrubs? If so you know Elliot – the girl that the adorable Zach Braff character is in (and out of) love with.
That girl has ISSUES. You name it – she’s obsessing over it, paranoid about it, or inappropriately sharing about it (often with complete strangers).
Now I can't say that I “relate” to everything that she goes through (or puts herself through)…but there’s a lot about women that men can take from this girl, while not gagging through Dr Phil or Oprah
[*side note* “Girls Next Door” does not count as a window into the thoughts of “real women”]
Point-in-case: Elliot’s an independent woman – making her own moola, while kicking ass (sometimes her own) and taking names. When, I ask you, does she turn into an emotional, clinging wet blanket …. when she falls IN LOVE!!!
There is something about falling in love, trusting someone that makes you vulnerable in ways you never dreamed possible. I’m talking about love, people, not sex. We all know sex makes you vulnerable – someone see you naked (if you’re doing it right)… and everyone has body issues. There’s technique to worry about, orgasms, staying afterwards, morning breath, and awkward goodbyes.
Love, however, entails feeling SO MUCH about this person that its almost sensory over-load…and believing that they love you back just as much. Love is so much that I can’t even get into it or even explain it in words because I would lose any hope of a focused train of thought (if I haven’t already). You know what love is… most of you have experienced it. If not, hope to God that you do find it at least once in your life… it’s horrible / wonderful / miserable / exhilarating all at once… and there is absolutely nothing like it in the entire world.
(keep in mind that this is coming from a woman jaded by a broken several year-long relationship… and I’m STILL saying this)
Elliot falls in love with Rick Schroeder who’s character’s name I cant remember (something Flowers). In her quest to make, keep, and maintain this relationship, she hides her “quirks”. Random inappropriate stupid thoughts/actions that are part of who she is. The point is that she hides it from him until she just can’t - and then it starts spilling over on people throughout the hospital.
Now the truth in that is that every woman at some point in some relationship has hidden part of who she is. Who hasn’t felt like you need to hide those “crazy” parts of you so that he can get to know because you just KNOW that if he gets to REALLY know you – those crazies won’t matter. Whether its alphabetizing your DVDs, arranging your closet by colors, wearing underwear with days of the week on it, or obsessively checking under the bed every night – there’s a “crazy” part in each of us.
I personally have been to both extremes while in love. 1st serious boyfriend – I was miss independent until I fell head over heels for him. As I envisioned our life together and matching monogrammed towels, things began to unravel. After one particularly impassioned argument, he informed me that my independence that he loved so much about me was gone and that my clingy, emotional-needy dependence on him was too much. Here I was believing that this guy was The One – how I loved being with him every day, talking to him every night, spending weekends and holidays together …only to be brutally faced with his version of me being “clingy”. Talk about harsh reality.
Zoom forward to rebound boyfriend – determined to keep my independence, I drove myself everywhere, refused to get attached to his family or spend any holidays with them. I spent weekends alone after assuring him how great it was that he go fishing with the guys, or to that concert. At this extreme, I was in a relationship and still felt alone. Worse yet – I was keeping those “crazies” of wanting to be with him and not telling him for fear of being “clingy”. Needless to say, when we broke up – he told me that he felt like I never let my guard down – and that I didn’t seem to want to be a part of his life and family.
hopefully my next turn on the relationship merry-go-round – I’ll manage to keep the balance. Fall in love, be with him, but keep my girlfriends so that I don’t become an emotional mess on the times we can’t be together – or to just enjoy time apart. I’m also not gonna keep all MY “crazies” in. If he can’t deal with my color-coded pantry organization system, he’s just not worth it. There’s a song playing on country radio called “crazy like you” by Josh Grider. It’s pretty much exactly how I feel about finding that guy -
"I say everybody's crazy so what you need to do You need to find somebody crazy like you Someone you can fuss and fight with And when you make up then you can love all night with Someone who shares your particular point of view Oh they're bound to be crazy, just make sure they're crazy like you"
if nothing else - as Samantha says - "the crazy ones get all the good pills" ;-)
That girl has ISSUES. You name it – she’s obsessing over it, paranoid about it, or inappropriately sharing about it (often with complete strangers).
Now I can't say that I “relate” to everything that she goes through (or puts herself through)…but there’s a lot about women that men can take from this girl, while not gagging through Dr Phil or Oprah
[*side note* “Girls Next Door” does not count as a window into the thoughts of “real women”]
Point-in-case: Elliot’s an independent woman – making her own moola, while kicking ass (sometimes her own) and taking names. When, I ask you, does she turn into an emotional, clinging wet blanket …. when she falls IN LOVE!!!
There is something about falling in love, trusting someone that makes you vulnerable in ways you never dreamed possible. I’m talking about love, people, not sex. We all know sex makes you vulnerable – someone see you naked (if you’re doing it right)… and everyone has body issues. There’s technique to worry about, orgasms, staying afterwards, morning breath, and awkward goodbyes.
Love, however, entails feeling SO MUCH about this person that its almost sensory over-load…and believing that they love you back just as much. Love is so much that I can’t even get into it or even explain it in words because I would lose any hope of a focused train of thought (if I haven’t already). You know what love is… most of you have experienced it. If not, hope to God that you do find it at least once in your life… it’s horrible / wonderful / miserable / exhilarating all at once… and there is absolutely nothing like it in the entire world.
(keep in mind that this is coming from a woman jaded by a broken several year-long relationship… and I’m STILL saying this)
Elliot falls in love with Rick Schroeder who’s character’s name I cant remember (something Flowers). In her quest to make, keep, and maintain this relationship, she hides her “quirks”. Random inappropriate stupid thoughts/actions that are part of who she is. The point is that she hides it from him until she just can’t - and then it starts spilling over on people throughout the hospital.
Now the truth in that is that every woman at some point in some relationship has hidden part of who she is. Who hasn’t felt like you need to hide those “crazy” parts of you so that he can get to know because you just KNOW that if he gets to REALLY know you – those crazies won’t matter. Whether its alphabetizing your DVDs, arranging your closet by colors, wearing underwear with days of the week on it, or obsessively checking under the bed every night – there’s a “crazy” part in each of us.
I personally have been to both extremes while in love. 1st serious boyfriend – I was miss independent until I fell head over heels for him. As I envisioned our life together and matching monogrammed towels, things began to unravel. After one particularly impassioned argument, he informed me that my independence that he loved so much about me was gone and that my clingy, emotional-needy dependence on him was too much. Here I was believing that this guy was The One – how I loved being with him every day, talking to him every night, spending weekends and holidays together …only to be brutally faced with his version of me being “clingy”. Talk about harsh reality.
Zoom forward to rebound boyfriend – determined to keep my independence, I drove myself everywhere, refused to get attached to his family or spend any holidays with them. I spent weekends alone after assuring him how great it was that he go fishing with the guys, or to that concert. At this extreme, I was in a relationship and still felt alone. Worse yet – I was keeping those “crazies” of wanting to be with him and not telling him for fear of being “clingy”. Needless to say, when we broke up – he told me that he felt like I never let my guard down – and that I didn’t seem to want to be a part of his life and family.
hopefully my next turn on the relationship merry-go-round – I’ll manage to keep the balance. Fall in love, be with him, but keep my girlfriends so that I don’t become an emotional mess on the times we can’t be together – or to just enjoy time apart. I’m also not gonna keep all MY “crazies” in. If he can’t deal with my color-coded pantry organization system, he’s just not worth it. There’s a song playing on country radio called “crazy like you” by Josh Grider. It’s pretty much exactly how I feel about finding that guy -
"I say everybody's crazy so what you need to do You need to find somebody crazy like you Someone you can fuss and fight with And when you make up then you can love all night with Someone who shares your particular point of view Oh they're bound to be crazy, just make sure they're crazy like you"
if nothing else - as Samantha says - "the crazy ones get all the good pills" ;-)
7.22.2008
7.21.2008
lather, rinse, repeat. lather, rinse, repeat.
so its like i am swimming in the dating ocean, and i keep getting sucked into the same ole shitty riptide.
Lt gave me the whole " its not you, its me" speech. something about how his life is really confusing right now and he doenst want to drag me along when he doesnt know where he's gonna end up or if he's even in a place to be in a relationship right now.
okay i do acknowledge that his career has lately been totally twisted inside out and splattered against a wall, but the little voice in my head cant get the whole "he's just not that into you" line of thinking outta my head and that this is all a crock of shit. plus he got the standard "bj are for boyfriends" speech, and that rarely goes over well.
back to the proof: (1) why would you be dating if you didnt want to possibly be in a relationship. Dating LEADS to relationships (for most people, at least! men may still see it as the archaic equation of paying for dinner = putting out).
(2) the insecure voice in my head wonders if he jsut wasnt that attracted to me and somehow has reasoned that this is somehow an easier let down or less painful
(aka easier for the male, more confusing for the female)
WHY do i keep attracting losers, emotionally unavailable men or nymphomaniacs?!?! spare me the bullcrap of that i'm subconsciouly choosing these guys because i know that a relationship will never formate. for the first time in about 2 years, i actually feel ready to date. i like my life and i WANT someone to share it with. and i honestly thought I was doing a halfway good job of filtering out the freaks..... AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH
i need to hire a matchmaker to do the dirty work for me and figure out all their neurosis BEFORE i date them!
Lt gave me the whole " its not you, its me" speech. something about how his life is really confusing right now and he doenst want to drag me along when he doesnt know where he's gonna end up or if he's even in a place to be in a relationship right now.
okay i do acknowledge that his career has lately been totally twisted inside out and splattered against a wall, but the little voice in my head cant get the whole "he's just not that into you" line of thinking outta my head and that this is all a crock of shit. plus he got the standard "bj are for boyfriends" speech, and that rarely goes over well.
back to the proof: (1) why would you be dating if you didnt want to possibly be in a relationship. Dating LEADS to relationships (for most people, at least! men may still see it as the archaic equation of paying for dinner = putting out).
(2) the insecure voice in my head wonders if he jsut wasnt that attracted to me and somehow has reasoned that this is somehow an easier let down or less painful
(aka easier for the male, more confusing for the female)
WHY do i keep attracting losers, emotionally unavailable men or nymphomaniacs?!?! spare me the bullcrap of that i'm subconsciouly choosing these guys because i know that a relationship will never formate. for the first time in about 2 years, i actually feel ready to date. i like my life and i WANT someone to share it with. and i honestly thought I was doing a halfway good job of filtering out the freaks..... AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH
i need to hire a matchmaker to do the dirty work for me and figure out all their neurosis BEFORE i date them!
7.14.2008
meet Mister F
so... this guy (hence referred to as "F") has been tossed around in my mind for awhile now and i just cant get him out of my head.
we "met", interestingly enough, when i was bored, lonely, and had had enough wine to be brave - to make a myspace account. looked for anyone single (male or female) near my age (read: no old geezers or high school kids) that lived in this medium sized/socially-challenged town.
he accepted my friend request and actually sent me message ( just a standard "hey how's it going" ). we've talked on and off for a few months now. met for drinks. flirted a bit. and have had drinks a few times again since then. we have similar upbringings, have somewhat similar values, and both enjoy beer. plenty for a friendship.
so when we were out for drinks the other night, and he mentioned/ragged on this girl he dated a month ago (remember - thought he was single), i was thrown for a loop & didnt know what to say.
[side note: there are FEW times in this woman's life when she is speechless and cannot come up with a witty remark, or at the very least - a sharp sarcastic barb.]
what left me speechless was not that i didnt know about her. (we're just friends)
it was the reason why he abruptly brought her into the conversation
- is this to signal to me that he's now available?
- or is this because he's stuck for conversation, didnt want an awkward lull and grasped at a short straw...
as the legend goes, men are simple. so i know i'm over-analyzing what (and why) he said. but sometimes small miscommunications can lead to big losses. and i dont want to stumble over a subtle "signal" to put myself out there, or even just flirt more.
i need a male/female translation dictionary.
is Webster up for taking that on?
we "met", interestingly enough, when i was bored, lonely, and had had enough wine to be brave - to make a myspace account. looked for anyone single (male or female) near my age (read: no old geezers or high school kids) that lived in this medium sized/socially-challenged town.
he accepted my friend request and actually sent me message ( just a standard "hey how's it going" ). we've talked on and off for a few months now. met for drinks. flirted a bit. and have had drinks a few times again since then. we have similar upbringings, have somewhat similar values, and both enjoy beer. plenty for a friendship.
so when we were out for drinks the other night, and he mentioned/ragged on this girl he dated a month ago (remember - thought he was single), i was thrown for a loop & didnt know what to say.
[side note: there are FEW times in this woman's life when she is speechless and cannot come up with a witty remark, or at the very least - a sharp sarcastic barb.]
what left me speechless was not that i didnt know about her. (we're just friends)
it was the reason why he abruptly brought her into the conversation
- is this to signal to me that he's now available?
- or is this because he's stuck for conversation, didnt want an awkward lull and grasped at a short straw...
as the legend goes, men are simple. so i know i'm over-analyzing what (and why) he said. but sometimes small miscommunications can lead to big losses. and i dont want to stumble over a subtle "signal" to put myself out there, or even just flirt more.
i need a male/female translation dictionary.
is Webster up for taking that on?
7.07.2008
"aye aye captain"
so cute lieutenant and i have a date on the riverwalk. he's smart, witty, not psycho, no seemingly obvious flaws and looks like farve in the face (bonus pts).
hotel is booked (back up plan: friend's couch 30 mins away) and i'm letting myself get kinda psyched. still holding back for the inevitable letdown.
[side note: why cant i let myself believe that someone good is going to come along... and ACTUALLY be with me?!? hmm... could be the abandonment issues the 3yr ex abrubtly left me with...]
cant decide if i'm more excited about good mexican food and el mercado... or the lt
in other great (but expensive news) - bought a new (to me) car. that gets way better gas milage than the gray gremlin. :-)
hotel is booked (back up plan: friend's couch 30 mins away) and i'm letting myself get kinda psyched. still holding back for the inevitable letdown.
[side note: why cant i let myself believe that someone good is going to come along... and ACTUALLY be with me?!? hmm... could be the abandonment issues the 3yr ex abrubtly left me with...]
cant decide if i'm more excited about good mexican food and el mercado... or the lt
in other great (but expensive news) - bought a new (to me) car. that gets way better gas milage than the gray gremlin. :-)
7.02.2008
karma
"I am not one to chase fate. In my opinion, karma will be a BIGGER bitch than I choose to be."
i so wish i could believe this. If i had unprotected sex, i'd probably end up with a venereal disease. she ended up with B (now- her hot hubby) and a baby. what gives?
i think god says "no" to me being happy...
i so wish i could believe this. If i had unprotected sex, i'd probably end up with a venereal disease. she ended up with B (now- her hot hubby) and a baby. what gives?
i think god says "no" to me being happy...
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