choice... or chance?

in doing some digging for an old paper from undergrad days gone-by, I ran across this.
Someone had it emailed to me my freshman year in college and I liked it so much that I not only printed it out and posted it to my hot pink and zebra corkboard #collegeinearlymilleniumyears but I also took the time to retype it so it wouldnt be lost.

I also found a lot of old saved IM conversations with B. some that reassure me I wasnt crazy/didnt just dream up that it was really that good back then. and some that make the older, wiser?, more jaded? me cringe a bit on how immature and black/white I was about my relationships.

so for what it's worth, I'll try to keep this in mind. for the next time I fall in love :)

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Choice or Chance?

When we meet the right person to love, when we're at the right place at the right time, that's chance.

When you meet someone you're attracted to, that's not a choice. That's chance.

Being caught up in a moment (and there are a lot of couples who get together because of this)That's also a chance.

The difference is what happens afterwards…
Will you take that infatuation, that crush,
or that mind- blowing attraction to the next level?
That's when all sanity comes back…
You have to sit down and contemplate
whether you want to make this into a concrete relationship or just a fling.

If you decide to love a person, even with his faults, that's not a chance. That's choice

When you choose to be with a person, no matter what, that's choice.

Even if you know there are many people out there who are more attractive, smarter, and richer than your mate, and yet, you decide to love your mate just the same, that's choice

Infatuation, crushes, and attraction come to us by chance.
But true love that lasts is truly a choice. A choice that we make…

Regarding soulmates, there's a beautiful movie quote that I believe is so true about this:
"Fate brings you together, but it's still up to you to make it happen."

I believe that soulmates do exist, that there is truly someone made for you.
But it's still up to you to make the choice if you're going to do something about it or not.

We may meet our soulmates by chance, but loving and staying with our soulmate is still a choice we have to make.

We came to the world not by finding someone perfect to love, BUT to learn how to love an imperfect person perfectly.
~Author Unknown~

anchors away...

the Lt and I are OVER.
O-V-E-R
not that anything tangible ever really began...
the weekend was a distaster from start to finish. so bad that i left early.
and i cried.

damn yankees

if only the good die young, i might live forever

so quotes are my thing. other people may have movie lines memorized, or sage advice to pass on.
But I like quotes.
Quotes are relateable.
Quotes are (usually) learned from experience - so learn from other's mistakes.
you dont have to re-invent the wheel.

when you dog chews up your fave red high heels - just remember "A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself. ~Josh Billings"

When a random hot guy asks "can have your number" dont think about the fact that he's probably drunk off his @$$, remember "In vino, veritas"

And when the ex love of your life knocks up his gf and then marries her, make this your mantra "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade - and find someone who life gave vodka"

so till next time, remember that "Do what makes you happy, be with who makes you smile, laugh as much as you breathe, and love as long as you live.”

blasphamey

btwn 2 friends...

"i am so angry and so heartbroken. and i'm so MAD. and i'm angry at God for letting it happen. and guilty for being mad at God. but i still want to bitch-slap God. and i'm pretty sure that consititutes blasphemey and being damned to hell for eternity"

B-list boyfriends

“B” terms are rarely good for relationships. Breaks, BOYS (men are only slightly better) blubbering, break-ups, bitchiness, broken hearts, boo-hooing, baby’s mommas, boobs (somebody else’s that your boyfriend’s checking out) and blow-offs


When did I become the girl that guys blow-off? More importantly, when did it become okay to blow-off someone? I know things are awkward as @$$ after break-ups, or even “relationships” that never become anything… but that doesn’t make it okay to be a dick about it. As the saying goes “just because you have one doesn’t mean you have to be one”… this applies to asses and dicks.

B, the long-term ex, never spoke to me again (except to ruin my birthday once) after the “break” that became a break-UP.

D, the short-term ex, fronted the “lets stay friends” routine as well as the “we’ll still hang out” due to the fact that we had mutual friends. However, since our split, he went out of his way to avoid me. And to be honest, making it such a big damn deal made things worse.

P, the one-time date, kissed and never called again (which pissed me off so badly I posted about it)

Then there was N – the month-plus long relationship. this one might be bipolar – he’s happy and sweet and making future plans one day and the next day he’s angry and sulky and “not in the same life direction” as me. Gee-golly – I was “damned if I do, damned if I don’t” with this guy. That and he turned out to be a self-absorbed prick (preened on every date and actually told me how “lucky I was to be with him”).
Still, he could have at least called and admitted that he didn’t really have time/energy/mirror space for me or some other lame ass excuse… NOT just stop answering calls/texts and never speak to me again!

The latest disaster in dates-ville was a set-up by one of my engaged friends (no, I didn’t know it was a set-up when I agreed to it) and the guy NEVER even showed. My self-esteem hit a new low that night and I’ve got pictures to prove it.

Seriously people – it is NOT okay to blow someone off. Regardless of how hot you think I’m not, or whether the relationship is on the down-hill slide – we’re still all human beings and due at least a little respect and dignity.

So, to all listening males (even though I’m probably preaching to the choir) – get over yourself, be a man, and use the manners your momma raised you with!

So quit your Bitchin’, grows some Balls* – and you might earn yourself an A-list girlfriend!

[*Preferably balls the size Bob Stoops (best coach in college football) had during the A&M/OU game this past fall… that guy has cojones!]

rain

Jolted awake, heart beating out my chest, the storm had arrived.
As the thunder boomed and the lightening flashed through my window, the rain and my emotions swirled in the thick air.
Startled by the storm, my departure from the lovely land of zzzs was not solely due to the wrath of Mother Nature.
I was also aware of the very realistic, very disturbing dream that had me fitfully sleeping.
Frustrated that I slept so poorly after exhausting myself at the gym, the memories of the dream swept over me.

To preface this, the ex from the several year-long relationship had recently updated to “in a relationship” on facebook. For someone who got no closure and whose heart has YET to listen to her head, this was at the very least - a shake up. On one hand, I had so badly wanted him to admit that he screwed up, that he wanted me back – even though I knew that the trust was too badly broken to ever repair the damage. I wanted to blow him off like I felt like he blew our relationship off. [he did literally never talk to me again.]
That has left me wondering if

• (a) he never loved me and just lied for years or
  
• (b) if I was so un-memorable that he fell out of love with you and never looked back.

On the other hand, I wanted to just fall apart and hate him for ever being in my life. I know, I know – there are those who will use the old adage “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”… and that going through that makes me who I am today.
And part of me IS glad that I experienced real love (from my side) at least once in my lifetime… (still hoping to feel that way with someone again). There is nothing in the world as magical and incredible feeling as loving someone.
But the other part of me wishes that I had never met him, never felt that way, and never come out so jaded.

Back to the dream, I was in a college dorm apartment – the one Zach, Slater and Screech had on Saved by The Bell – College Years. (yes, I am a proud child of the 90’s sitcoms).
My roommate Cassie and I are getting along great.
Shopping, running, studying – generally becoming best of friends.
Anyways – next day, she wants me to meet her boyfriend – who, of course, turns out to be none other than my ex.
She tries to explain in earnest how this changes nothing, how we can still be friends.
Tears are streaming down my face and my mascara is running like the delusional Britney fan (note: watch Tosh.0 if you dont already!).
My heart is being ripped out of my chest while still beating (like in Indiana Jones movie).
And all I can think about is how I also want to punch her in the throat. Oh, and cut his cojones off.


As I lay there trying to sleep after that emotional nightmare, I realize how much the rain cleans away– dust, dropped food on the sidewalk, squashed bugs on my windshield…
and I hope that likewise - time cleans away some of my emotional baggage.

This girl wants to focus, not on what shaped who she’s become – but where she’s going and who she has yet to be.
I’m also enjoying “Saved by the Bell” which just came on TBS – Slater is still a HOTTIE!

Till next time - "listen to the thunder, be mesmerized by lightening and dance in the rain."