Dr. Spock, is there a parallel universe?

do you ever stop and wonder if your life exists in several parallel universes?

i mean does it ever seem that you could've taken several different courses of outcome and still be happy? how is that possible? its not unequal or weighted happiness... just "different".
kind of how you feel about the many loves in your life. some small, some large, some turned friends, some turned out to be hellions, some were first-loves, some were great loves.
the capacity of love, it seems to me, its not dependent upon the amount of love. but rather, it assumes the shape of whatever form in which it is given.

There are many of us thinking of one version of parallel universe theory or another. If it's all a lot of nonsense, then it's a lot of wasted effort going into this far-out idea. But if this idea is correct, it is a fantastic upheaval in our understanding.
- Brian Greene-

i could have been happy with college-ex "B".  I mean... probably?  At the time I desperately believed we would be happy.  Now that I've "gone country...back to her roots" (as Alan Jackson sings so prettily) it makes me wonder how much we really had in common.  I do remember loving him fiercely though.  I was his biggest supporter.  and defender to my parents and any other critics.  the only thing I really remember fighting about was me wanting to get engaged {after 3 years of dating... what? that's ludicrous ;) } 

In that alternate reality, I doubt I would have gotten to live in the places I have thus far... and we probably would have had kids much sooner (still childless... for now {and by choice!}).   I  may reminesce about the travel bug he had, but the current me is much happier being relatively-geographically close to my family AND my in-laws.  and truly---- I'm a homebody at heart 
Looking at it now... obviously he felt the disconnect far before I did.  while I still don't respect him for the way he chose to go about it, my current happiness would not exist without that monumental change in our lives' courses. 

the other shorter-lived bfs... I truly doubt it would have made it to marriage without some serious doubts on my part.  although there is one...we never really dated but back then I sure wanted to!  a few steamy make-out sessions and a lot of small-town/Southern background in common and I thought all the pieces were there.  of course, it took him about a decade to get over a girl, so maybe God knew I was at my patience limit (which truly is microscopic)  and had better plans for me :)

you say it best....when you say nothing at all...

so the fact that i never even blogged about the boy by name should prove how little i valued that relationship. the more i think it over, the more i think that in the end, i was more in love with the IDEA of us, than i was with him, and us being together.
and that's just not fair to anyone involved.

patience is a virtue....that i dont possess

i want now, not later
i want more, not less
i want priority, not down the list
i want f-ing fantastic, not just good
i want forever, not maybe

volume II

"about letting go and moving on, the thing is that to grieve something -
you actually have to admit that you've lost it.

and admitting that its over and gone
---or that you never really had him to begin with ---
is a tough pill to swallow.




but it goes down better with rum and coke...." :-)

"i believe in love.... i believe in happiness - and i believe in you"

i just love this song by Don Williams... (especially now that there is that someone in my life with similar values and common traits.) This song epitomizes simple Southern beliefs and values. they may not always hold true but they're tradition. and around here - traditions stick like my momma says that grits stick to your ribs. :-)



"I don't believe in superstars,Organic food and foreign cars.I don't believe the price of gold;The certainty of growing old.That right is right and left is wrong,That north and south can't get along.That east is east and west is west.And being first is always best.

But I believe in love.I believe in babies.I believe in Mom and Dad.And I believe in you.

Well, I don't believe that heaven waits,For only those who congregate.I like to think of God as love:He's down below, He's up above.He's watching people everywhere.He knows who does and doesn't care.And I'm an ordinary man,Sometimes I wonder who I am.

But I believe in love.I believe in music.I believe in magic.And I believe in you.

I don't believe virginity,Is as common as it used to be. In working days and sleeping nights,That black is black and white is white. That Superman and Robin Hood,Are still alive in Hollywood.That gasoline's in short supply,The rising cost of getting by.

But I believe in love.I believe in old folks. I believe in children.I believe in you.And I believe in love.I believe in babies.I believe in Mom and Dad.And I believe in you"

paging Dr Freud

i need to learn to take my own advice...


in re-reading my own blog. i came across a quote - "never make someone your priority when you're only an option to them".
i cant believe i was questioning a possibly incredible future over someone who cant even return a call or msg. much less what's going on

you'd think i'd learn from lessons learned. of those who cant, or wont, commit. for those who i'm not a priority to.

in matters of the heart - do I keep making the same mistakes... or am I just always dating the same guy?

power hour

the singles scene sucks. bar, gym, church, coffeehouse - all of them
i dont care what city, state, country or continent you live on - meeting an available, normal, single man with no fetishes, criminal history, or relationship hang-ups is quite the impossible feat!

Coffeehouses:

So coffeehouses - where the mature, intellectual people gather to read, study and generally broaden their minds and perspectives. One would assume you could meet someone intelligent who has a mutual addiction to coffee.

not so

you either meet goofy nerds who are busy playing WOW on their laptops, giggling like schoolgirl
or
you have the "i'm too good for my Armani" snobs who barely meet your glance over their $3000 MacBook Air.

Church:

the quint-essential "meat-market".
its somewhere i'm going to be regardless because that where God calls me to fellowship with like-minded believers.
But the "singles-group" that exists in these is a smoke-screen for a meat-market (no news flash to any of us dating since high school).

however, dont hold your breath hoping to meet someone of similar faith

the only types are the "holier-than-thou"s who act like having a margarita is the downfall of Christianity,
or
(look away if easily offended)
the ugly people who are hoping that "good" people will like them and overlook why they've so far been unable to convince someone to someday procreate with them...
or
the "bad" boys who come to church looking for the "good" girls, who, you know - are secretly bad in disguise. 'that's hot'
AARRRGGGHHHH!

Gym:

i joined the gym b/c
(a) I needed weights to do strength training, which running can't provide allow
(b) i cant run when it rains
(c) i wanted to meet other people who understand the importance of working out to your health and keep physically fit.
(d) whomever i date, its important that he takes care of himself, and working out is a great way to spend quality time together

But it's also impossible to meet someone at the gym. the guys are either
-gay
-think they're God's gift to women (you can tell by the 'strut' they do around the gym)
or
-meatheads
all the cute ones are ph-so-obliviously plugged into their i-pods...
seriously - do you never need a water break?!?!

Bar

the bar scene is bar-none (pun intended) the worst!

I'm all about an occasional drink but you only meet one of two types in a bar:

(1) the alcoholic who's there 5 nights outta the week. This one knows all the daily specials, drinks 'chuggers' of cheap beer... until every girl in the bar is attractive. Constantly trying to get a piece and relieves the "good ole days" with all the other losers

(2) the type who are socially awkward/super intelligent/desperate... who dress up, spend lots of money on buying girls drinks....hoping to get one girl drunk enough where their desperation shrinks, and the nerd/freak/weirdo become attractive to her.

so to anyone who has any better suggestion of where singles mingle, or knows where the normal single guys are hiding - I'm all ears

onlinedatingscaresme.com

so when my mother starts calls my dog her "granddog",
asks you if you've considered freezing your eggs ...
(i couldnt make this shit up if i wanted to)
and then tells you about the secretary's cousin's son who met his Russian wife online,
you kinda know what station her train of thought is about to chug into....

ONLINE dating

while you appreciate her once again "caring" intrusion into your social life (or lack there of) the thought of legitimately trying online dating is both intriguing and terrifying.

intruiguing in that you can already filter out the ones
(A) you're not attracted to
(B) share no life goals with
(C) belongs to some obscure/cult religion that you could never possibly consider joining or exposing your future children to,
or
(D) out of your age range.
(including blue pill-popping sugar daddies and/or cougar-seeking college boys)

terrifying that
(A) you would actually have to put your photo online with a contact method
(B) if (and that's a big IF) you meet someone who can manage to keep a conversation going with you, that you'll have to meet this stranger in public for a potential belly-flop date. in which case you have to start the process all over
(C) a really not cool way of telling your grandkids of how ya'll met and
(D) have to shell out money to get the work of filtering out the freaks

although you do have to wonder....
in this day and age where technology changes every aspect of how we live life, ( internet, cell phones, caller-ID, GPS, etc)
why is it so hard for us to embrace that technology has changed dating?

it's already changed life where its harder/less common to meet people face-to-face rather than teleconferences, IM/FB chat, or web mtgs...

how can we not expect it to change how we do meet potential matches?

if tech can take away human contact,
it sure as hell owes us some sort of benefit in return

(aka: slide-show preview of our future alimony payers)
;-)

the secret to my success...

what is the secret to s-u-c-c-e-s-s in life?

most would say "following what you believe/love"
i'm motivated to pursue my passions. right now its my career. one day it might be a family. i dont know. life has no guarantees, so i only know that i will whole-heartedly pursue my heart's deepest desire - whatever that might be.

no one sets out to be mediocre, but sometimes it happens. sometimes life happens.... gets in the way
but only if you let it...

more importantly, you're only mediocre if you allow someone else to define what success means to you

only being a housewife would not be my personal definition of success currently.
but if it IS Suzy Q's definition of success and she's the best damn housewife she can be...
then she should be considered a success.
regardless of our own personal ambitions or pre-conceived expectations of "success"

its mind-boggling how fiercly independent most of us believe we are..... and yet we let ourselves be judged by standards or definitions that others set.
society, parents, church members, friends, co-workers, personal trainers, el hefe, etc.

i dont know that i'll ever really understand all different takes on being a successful female in modern times simply because i'll never be right there. its not the path my life is on right now.
but i can appreciate that there are different walks of life.

and in life, it takes all kinds