Dr. Spock, is there a parallel universe?

do you ever stop and wonder if your life exists in several parallel universes?

i mean does it ever seem that you could've taken several different courses of outcome and still be happy? how is that possible? its not unequal or weighted happiness... just "different".
kind of how you feel about the many loves in your life. some small, some large, some turned friends, some turned out to be hellions, some were first-loves, some were great loves.
the capacity of love, it seems to me, its not dependent upon the amount of love. but rather, it assumes the shape of whatever form in which it is given.

There are many of us thinking of one version of parallel universe theory or another. If it's all a lot of nonsense, then it's a lot of wasted effort going into this far-out idea. But if this idea is correct, it is a fantastic upheaval in our understanding.
- Brian Greene-

i could have been happy with college-ex "B".  I mean... probably?  At the time I desperately believed we would be happy.  Now that I've "gone country...back to her roots" (as Alan Jackson sings so prettily) it makes me wonder how much we really had in common.  I do remember loving him fiercely though.  I was his biggest supporter.  and defender to my parents and any other critics.  the only thing I really remember fighting about was me wanting to get engaged {after 3 years of dating... what? that's ludicrous ;) } 

In that alternate reality, I doubt I would have gotten to live in the places I have thus far... and we probably would have had kids much sooner (still childless... for now {and by choice!}).   I  may reminesce about the travel bug he had, but the current me is much happier being relatively-geographically close to my family AND my in-laws.  and truly---- I'm a homebody at heart 
Looking at it now... obviously he felt the disconnect far before I did.  while I still don't respect him for the way he chose to go about it, my current happiness would not exist without that monumental change in our lives' courses. 

the other shorter-lived bfs... I truly doubt it would have made it to marriage without some serious doubts on my part.  although there is one...we never really dated but back then I sure wanted to!  a few steamy make-out sessions and a lot of small-town/Southern background in common and I thought all the pieces were there.  of course, it took him about a decade to get over a girl, so maybe God knew I was at my patience limit (which truly is microscopic)  and had better plans for me :)

damn dry spell

4months
4 months and counting.... since my last KISS!
so that makes it__________ since....

major dry spell.

and funny thing is, I really just want to make out.
to cuddle, snuggle, kiss, feel that warm tingly feeling....
to be that close with someone again.


and ya know, when you find yourself wishing the hog farmer calls you...
you know you need to be wary of making some downright damn bad decisions!

hog farmer hit on

i got hit on by a hog farmer!
in a bar!
on a Monday night!

and thanks to Johnny Walker, he now has my number

that is all...

you say it best....when you say nothing at all...

so the fact that i never even blogged about the boy by name should prove how little i valued that relationship. the more i think it over, the more i think that in the end, i was more in love with the IDEA of us, than i was with him, and us being together.
and that's just not fair to anyone involved.