scary real or real scary

Feet throbbing, head pounding – “I’m getting too old for this shit”. Apparently booty-bump dancing, waltzing and 2-stepping till 2am and then continued “festivities” till 4am was getting to be too much for this lady.
After a girls’ night out, I was too pooped to pop.
But sleep eluded me. 4 am, I finally drifted off to sleep – only to wake up 7am (an annoyance that ALWAYS happens when I drink!).

Sleep eluded me because as much as fun as I had, I spent a lot of time watching the door.
Waiting for an ex to walk in and trying to avoid an awkward situation that never even occurred.
I feel like I’ve spent so much of my life, looking over my shoulder…
waiting for the other shoe to drop.

When does that end? Or maybe more importantly, when did that start?!?!
When did life become scary instead of exciting?
When did the fear of failure start ruling my life?

I realize as a “realist”, I tend to focus on the “most likely” event but sometimes I miss the little kid in me that believed in miracles and dreams coming true.

Even the dating game has become scary.
Dating used to be butterflies in my stomach, talking for hours on end, late night walks, huge grins every time you think of him, and dates were things to look forward to – not to obsess and worry over.
Fear of failure –

• aka never finding Mr Right,
  
• fear of rejection,
  
• fear of commitment,
  
• fear of loneliness,
• fear of “settling”…

its enough to make this girl turn in with a good whiskey instead of braving the singles scene.


I wish there was a magical wizard like in the Wizard of Oz (no Pink Floyd included)…
that could give me a brand-new (un-jaded) heart… and maybe a little bit of courage too.
And maybe a masseuse – I could really go for a foot rub right about now.

Till next time – "work like you don’t need the money, love like your heart’s never been broken, and dance like nobody’s watching".